I received this email from a woman concerned about how to handle her man’s large penis.
I have a problem that doesn’t seem to get talked about much and I really would like some help!
I’ve been dating a man for a while, it’s a good relationship and I would like to move it to a more intimate level. We are both in our 40’s, we’ve both been married, it’s not like I’m an inexperienced woman. But his penis is quite large and I’m a bit intimidated. He’s very open about the fact, and has made me believe that he knows how to make me ready and can be patient with me while I’m getting used to his size. What can I do to make it better for both of us? Are there positions or techniques you can recommend? What about fellatio? I enjoy it, but again, his size is a concern for me.
I really don’t want to freak out over this. I just want to be prepared and do what I can to make our sex life as satisfying as the rest of our time together.
The answer is long, but if this has ever concerned you, read on! I will be offering a podcast on this topic since it is more common than you think!
It’s odd that so many men wish they were bigger and you’d be surprised how many women actually do want their men smaller. You are not alone! I recall having a boyfriend who was extra large and wish I knew then what I do now! ;-)
It sounds like your man is patient and experienced with helping his partner become aroused to take him in fully. That is certainly key. The vagina is a very ‘stretchable’ canal. If you’ve had children, you know what it is capable of doing!
One of the best things you can do is to not think about it. In fact, when you are ‘thinking’, the part of your brain that enjoys sexual response and stimulation isn’t engaged so you need to do your best to go with the flow and simply enjoy the experience. You’ll probably find that after you make love the first time, most of your concerns will melt away. What can you do to help them melt away before you even begin? I know it is easier said than done so I offer you some tips to help you feel more confident that this will go smoothly.
It sounds like your man is warm and caring and wants nothing more than to please you and ensure you are satisfied. Another secret is to have you reach orgasm before you even consider penetration since this way, you know you’ll be aroused ;-) If you don’t allow any penetration until you are practically (not literally) begging for it, you should be aroused enough and ‘open’ enough to handle things. After orgasm is a great time for penetration!
When arousal occurs, the vaginal walls swell, become engorged with blood and get lubricated and everything shifts around to allow for penetration. You also want to ensure that you have a water soluble lubricant handy since, as we age, we naturally lubricate less. Don’t be concerned about adding a natural lubricant to your existing juices. You can’t have too much slipperiness and it will make things easier and more pleasurable for you both.
As for positions, you have a few options. Any position where you are in control of the penetration will help you feel more confident which is less likely to have you tense (and tighten) up. So if you were to lay on top of him with your tummies together and your pubic bone on his belly button (remember to have already applied some extra lubrication before you get on top of him) and then slowly slide yourself down to meet his penis. You can look into his eyes and feel his caring arms around you and slowly lower yourself and perhaps rub your clitoris against him or grind a little to get him excited and increase your breathing and just imagine how long you’ve waited and how great this will feel. You don’t have to go any further or deeper than you want to. You may simply have his penis at your vaginal opening while you stimulate your clitoris and get yourselves each hot and excited. You may find that if you bring yourself to orgasm this way, you my slide even deeper because you want him inside you when you orgasm. Just be open to all the possibilities and relax with it and don’t pressure yourself. Imagine for a moment if you do this and orgasm laying on top of him, how erotic do you think that will be for him to experience with you?
You can also try to find a dildo that is approximately his size and experiment with it when you masturbate. You’ll need to ensure that you are really aroused though. We don’t often get as aroused when we’re alone as we do with our partners :-) This may help you build your confidence as well.
You can try spooning where he lies behind you and approaches you from the back since he can’t go as deep that way. You also have control with your legs and body to move into a more comfortable position. You can try the man on top missionary position but have your legs straight down between his so again, he can’t go very deep. You can also be on your tummy laying down with him on top of you like a flat doggie style but you have much less control with this so wait until you’ve had some experience with him :-)
One more position is for you to be on top but laying on your back so your backside is on his tummy and then he can’t go as deep and you have the control and you have your hands free to stimulate your clitoris too.
Remember that making love doesn’t always involve intercourse. You can masturbate each other and still have a fabulous intimate, mind blowing experience with no penetration at all! Just have fun with it!
As for oral sex, the main goal is NOT to have all of him in your mouth, but to make love to his penis by licking, sucking, fondling, playing with lubricant (I love flavoured lube for this) and generally making him feel good. If you fell good and are treating his penis like a delicious ice cream and involve your hands, tongue, mouth and even other body parts (perhaps a quick breast or foot slide up and down) then I can assure you, he will LOVE it! Don’t forget his perineum, testicles, belly button, buttocks, nipples and any other area of his body that he enjoys getting licked, nibbled or caressed. You can’t go wrong and you can only improve!
We have some great flavoured lubricants (here under Tasty Treats http://www.lionessforlovers.com/shop/) and even an audio CD to help you tap into your sensual side so you boost your sexual self-confidence in any situation (here under Lioness Exclusives http://www.lionessforlovers.com/shop/)
So trust your vagina to stretch, ensure you’re turned on by at least one orgasm, have lots of foreplay, lots of lubricant, maybe do some practice on your own, get creative with positions where you are in control and above all, relax and have fun!
Kim Switnicki, ACC, ECPC
Sex Educator, Speaker, Intimacy Coach
Author of “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Pick up your Free Report on Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confidant Woman www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/sign-up-for-sexy-ezine.htm