Don’t Worry – Be Happy!

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I met a warm and wonderful woman a few months ago who is a Flamenco dance teacher and Doctor. I knew she’d be someone to listen to and her passion is contagious! Below is a recap of some of her tips for those who wonder how to keep yourself happy in your relationship.

Dr. Susan Biali’s 5 things you can do right now to improve the quality of your relationship.

1) Focus on your needs
This doesn’t mean be selfish. It just means to pay attention to doing what would be best for you. If something isn’t going the way you want it to, don’t let it get you down. Turn your focus to what you should be doing, right now, to take care of yourself and your own life. The key – don’t let anything someone else does phase you, or take away your peace and enjoyment of life.

2) Stay happy, No matter what
Don’t base your happiness on other peoples’ actions. Find things that you enjoy in life and focus on them when times are hard. If you’re in a rut, face the fact that you have the power to change it to make sure that you are happy.

3) Listen to your body
Learn to hear when your body’s signals say “that’s enough!“. If you’re getting headaches or body aches, take a moment to figure out what’s causing it & then immediately do something that will help you feel better and happier.

4) Recognize your weaknesses
All of us have “hot buttons” that cause us to fly off the handle. Learn to recognize them and how to diffuse them. It may be by going into another room or doing something silly when you feel yourself reacting to those buttons. Sometimes a deep breath and a moment to diffuse is all it takes to keep from causing unnecessary stress and pain to yourself and your significant other.

5) Focus on the good
Focus on what you like most about your partner and what would be good for you to also improve upon. If you nag and try to change your
partner, you will run into stubbornness and will repeatedly fail. On the other hand – if you accept them for the way they are and focus on your own happiness, they will inevitably follow suit.

To read her full article visit Susan Biali‘s site.

I invite you to re-read the above and apply these tips also to your intimate relationship. How can you use them in your bedroom?

For starters, consider always taking full responsibility for your own pleasure. This doesn’t mean just for your own orgasm, but the whole sexual experience. Don’t leave it up to your partner. Take charge of your sensual joy.

Remember that what you want in bed is important. If your partner doesn’t want to make love, it doesn’t mean you need to shut your own sensuality off. Masturbation, fantasy and cuddling together are all very heathy too!  

If your body is experiencing discomfort, stop doing whatever action is causing it! Whether vaginal, anal, hands or tongue, don’t ever let your body and mind associate pain with sensuality. That will not serve you. You can always change positions, take a break or simply stop the activity and re-assess.

Try not to let yourself get worked up over sexual issues unless in a good way. If you start flinging mean words around about your sex-life, it can be tricky to reverse the damage once it’s been said. Preventative action here is best. Cool off first. Maybe write your thoughts down and approach your partner when you’re calmer. You can always bring in another party such as a counsellor if the issue can’t be resolved.

Finally, focus on the good things about your intimate relationship. That is what we do in coaching. We look at getting more of what you want by looking at what YOU can do to change things. This may mean altering your thinking or your behavior. Trying to make other people change NEVER works. So don’t frustrate yourself. If you want to be more creative in bed, or want to have more sex or you want to become more orgasmic – what will you do to make that happen?

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