I was recently invited to comment for an article in Chatelaine Magazine. Women often complain about low sex drive, and with the successes of Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, the search is on for the female equivalent. This writer wanted to know what I, as a sex expert and coach who has worked with thousands of women, thought about the search for the magic pill that will boost women’s sexual desire. I am not a fan of drugs, (which I rediscovered during my recent recovery from shoulder surgery), and I know that a woman’s sexuality is a lot more complex than just getting blood flow to the right area or “lighting up” certain areas of her brain. Quite frankly I don’t want anyone playing in my brain but me if I can help it.
The article is in the June edition of Chatelaine Magazine, which just hit store shelves. In it, they discuss two of the latest big pharma attempts to magically fix a woman’s low sex drive. The first is a testosterone gel that is rubbed onto a woman’s arm. The hormone testosterone is often implicated in diminished sexual desire in women. The female body naturally decreases production of this hormone throughout adult life, reaching diminished levels by menopause. So the thinking is rub in some extra testosterone, and there you go, your desire will be increased. This may work for some women who have medically diagnosed lower levels of testosterone than they should. But there are dangers in taking hormones not naturally produced by our bodies; specifically too much testosterone can lead to heart and liver disease, growing hair where you don’t want it, and aggression. We are not men, nor do they want us to be in bed.
The second is a pink pill that was originally created to be an antidepressant (which is strange considering that antidepressants often diminish sexual desire) and works on the chemicals in the brain, the first non-hormonal attempt to boost female desire. This pill had some serious side effects for 15% of the study group; bad enough for them to drop right out. The side effects were dizziness, fatigue, dry mouth and insomnia.
I am concerned that interest in medical interventions to increase female sexual desire will lead more women to believe that they have a medical or physical dysfunction. This may be good for drug companies, but is definitely not good for women. There are so many reasons why a woman does not feel as much sexual desire as she would like, or that she thinks she should. Like I said in the article, having this intense pressure to want more sex is not going to help a woman actually want to have sex; in fact the pressure will lower her libido. Of course we are all very busy with our lives, and sex might not always be on the top of our to-do lists, but this does not mean that you have a medical or sexual dysfunction. There is no magic pill for sexual desire, just as there is no magic pill to lose weight, or to become rich. If you want to feel sexual, or if you want to lose weight, or become rich, you have to make a commitment to yourself and you have to really work on changing your habits, your mindset and certain aspects of your lifestyle that no longer serve your new goal. Professional support is also crucial for any kind of major lifestyle change, so using a trainer, coach, taking a class, or even reading a book can lead you on your path to reach your sexual potential (or to lose weight or to improve your wealth).
As one expert, Debby Herbenick of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University believes, North American culture must do more to promote sex education, sex coaching, and intimacy techniques. As a professional Sex & Intimacy Coach I concur 100%.
In the article, Sue McGarvie a Sex Therapist promotes doing your Kegel exercises, watching your diet, including eating good quality dark chocolate, and having a check-up by your doctor. These are all things I recommend, if you want more advice on this you can go here to find out more about Ben Wa balls and Kegel exercises, and here to read about my D.R.E.A.M Program – which is my magic pill. This many experts can’t be wrong.
A lot of the problems women have stem from a lack of time to be creative (we’re damn tired), which is why my book Great Sex for Hard Times is so relevant for today’s women. Pick up a copy, and call me in the morning.
Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach