Not Having Sex is Good for You

A lot of us feel compelled by the media etc. to have sex, sex and more sex because it’s so good for you.  I too speak of how great sex is for you and how it can improve your life.  However, the other end of the spectrum is not addressed often enough.  Listen in as Pam Edgar, host of Living for the Health Of It, chats with me about the idea of not having sex and how that too can actually be healthier for some people than having pressure and guilt added to the mix.  Pick up some tips on how to have open chats with your partner when you have stress, small kids, health issues or other cases where sex isn’t a priority or a good option for you at the time.  We also discuss how to regain sexual relationships after serious health issues where one party has been the care-giver.  It really is all about choice and free will and really trying to find your own Sexual Truth and honouring it.

Click here to listen.

The Gardasil Vaccine and Sexual Health

An article caught my attention recently.  You may have seen the commercials for the Gardasil Vaccine lately.  Educating the public about the HPV virus is terrific, however there are some things the commercial doesn’t mention.  You should  make an informed decision about whether or not to pursue this route to achieve sexual health. I’ve included a link to the article and a few points from it below.

In today’s society, we want a quick fix for everything and the drug companies would have you believe that the Gardasil Vaccine will fulfill this for us. Since most of us probably have been exposed to HPV and very few will actually die as a result, I’d rather see them spend the millions and millions of dollars towards educating our youth on healthy sexual practices, self exams and PAP smears instead of injecting them.

So, what exactly is HPV?

The article by Brenda Eastwood, RNCP, shares this:
“HPV is a very common family of viruses found in both males and females.  The virus is found in and around the genitals. It is most often passed between two people through sexual activity, but this can also happen through other close skin to skin contact. About 3 out of every 4 people – males and females – who have had sex have been exposed to HPV… Only two of the 100 types of HPV can develop into cancer.  Other HPV types can cause ordinary and genital warts, but rarely cause cancer.”

What you won’t see “advertised” on the commercials is that only 1% of those infected will actually develop cervical cancer.  And, if caught early enough through regular pap smears, it can be successfully treated.  There are also several side effects that are not readily noted.  That’s why I encourage the education of young girls about their sexual practices and PAP smears, instead of immediately succumbing to the call of the commercials.

Brenda Eastwood, RNCP, is a Women’s Health Specialist with more than 25 years experience working with thousands of women.  Her goal, like mine, is to empower women with information.

A copy of her article regarding the HPV vaccine can be found here but you need to scrool way down below her current newsletter:
http://www.brendaeastwood.com/mr-events.taf?_UserReference=858FFD1F208941044A0CAF40Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC, ECPC
Sex Educator, Speaker, Intimacy Coach

Author of “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Pick up your Free Report on Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confidant Woman
www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/sign-up-for-sexy-ezine.htm

Sex after 40

As we age, many women start to worry about the physical changes that occur as we are approaching menopause that can affect sex.  Some of the changes are negative, like the dryness that happens.  But there are also positive effects as well, so I thought that I would share those positive aspects of us getting older ;-)

Being a sex educator and intimacy coach, I hear from a lot of women in my practice, at speaking engagements, tradeshows, everywhere – how sex over 40 just gets better and better!

Yes, our vaginal walls thin and hormone levels get erratic so we get drier.  With lower estrogen levels our muscles start to droop so we develop more pelvic floor issues (see www.bladderfreedom.com for help with that!), but our body image, confidence, and ability to take charge of our own orgasms can greatly increase!

Quite often, we aren’t as worried about how we look in bed, we’re getting more comfortable in our skin and we have learned what turns us on.  We can communicate it more confidently to our partners and we don’t mind “doing it ourselves” so we guarantee our own orgasms when we want them.

As women, we have the power to create the sex-life of our dreams, so I encourage all of you to take any steps necessary to get more comfortable with your bodies, acknowledge your imperfections as perfect, and allow yourself to let down your walls and let vulnerability in. The possibility of more powerful intimate relationships is within your grasp.

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC, ECPC
Sex Educator, Speaker, Intimacy Coach

Author of “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Pick up your Free Report on Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confidant Woman
www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/sign-up-for-sexy-ezine.htm

Ben Wa Balls vs. Smart Balls

I recently shared an email conversation with a lovely woman regarding ‘Smartballs’ which are metal balls encased in outer latex balls so they are much larger than Ben Wa Balls. The Ben Wa type balls are inside the outer layer. She was wondering if they would help her improve her orgasms as well as being curious about how they control the occasional urine leak. She relayed the following:

“The Smartballs were too big to be fully effective. While the “rumbling around” sensation was pleasingly erotic on a low level, as far as strengthening the muscles, well, once they were in properly they took as little effort to retain as a tampon — none. Getting them in turned out to be an issue, too. I suspect it’s because my retroflexed uterus has my cervix lower into the vagina some days of the month than would be standard, but there were days I simply couldn’t manage to squeeze both balls in there!

They’re connected by a thin line of rubber in the middle and though I could slip the first one in no problem, when I tried to get the second one in, they’d be folding up on themselves, sliding against one another. As the second one was pushed in, the first would be coming back out, zipping every which way but IN! It was pretty funny, but 10 times worse than my early struggles with a diaphragm, back when I was using one. (It only took a few days to learn to get the diaphragm inserted properly) But the Smartballs? Most days they’d slide in, but some days, there was no way that second one was going to squeeze in.

Long and the short? I tossed them a week ago, and will be heading for a pair of real Ben Wa balls, and will follow the directions on your site to use them effectively.”

When it comes to stress incontinence, improving the muscle tone in your pelvic floor is not only the most common solution, but also the easiest. I always recommend Ben Wa Balls and learning how to do proper Kegel exercises. The good thing about Ben Wa Balls is that they are small and more difficult to keep in. I personally believe that starting with Ben Wa balls until you learn how to do a proper Kegel program is the first step. Since most women are not informed properly or even half reasonably about exactly how, when and what to do to perform a proper Kegel workout, I developed a comprehensive and complete program (with a DVD/CD and Workbook!) called “Freedom from your Leaky Bladder” to do just that. Most women DO NOT need surgery, just some information, specific instructions, some motivation and then they can get their lives back! For more information, check out my other website at http://www.bladderfreedom.com.

As for orgasms, any improvement in muscle tone will improve your orgasmic sensation and may improve your general enjoyment of sexual intercourse. If you receive more pleasure through being tighter, then that may improve your chances of orgasm. As a bonus, when you are more snug, your partner will receive more pleasure as well – isn’t that an exciting idea? Essentially, your ability to orgasm starts with your mind so anything that you like more or better or that makes you feel better will help.

The key is finding the right atmosphere, position, and mental connection with your current partner that affords you the easiest path to orgasm. Experiment with different positions and locations. I’m a big fan of self stimulation during intercourse so you can still have the joy of an orgasm with you partner inside of you. No matter how it happens, it’s always a good thing :-)

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC, ECPC
Sex Educator, Speaker, Intimacy Coach

Author of “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Pick up your Free Report on Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confidant Woman www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/sign-up-for-sexy-ezine.htm

How to Regain Sexual Confidence after Years with No Sex

Another question from a concerned 50 year old woman:

Dear Kim,

I heard you on Alissa Kriteman (podcast) and found the talk really inspiring.

I am 50 years old and was in a sexless marriage for almost 20 years. I was previously very comfortable with my sexuality. After once pursuing me relentlessly, my former husband rejected me sexually after the birth of our first child, while at the same time making it clear that he fancied other women.

My children are now grown up and I feel that I need to venture out in pursuit of passion.  However my confidence is shot. I have no problem attracting men but I am really nervous in bed with them going near my vagina. I attempted penetrative sex once and it was really painful as I was completely dry. That experience left me feeling even more arid and past it. I am very much on a spiritual path and in search of sacred sexuality.

Could you offer some inspirational advice on how to make myself more confident with my body and how to prepare myself for a sexual encounter? What are the best lubricants?

ANSWER

Thank you so much for contacting me – I’m glad you were inspired by the show!  What you experienced with your husband after your child was born is common, though not often spoken of. Not a very nice thing to happen to you, for sure.

First of all – good for you for wanting to get out again and experience the pleasure that you deserve and that you know from experience you can have! Women often shut down permanently so “yay” for you for going for it.

As we age, we lubricate less, even if we are aroused. I think a good water soluble lubricant is the greatest sexual empowerment accessory you can have. I’m 43 and always have a bottle handy just to make things even more slippery. I’m a huge fan of Forplay Succulents lubricant since it is naturally flavoured with no artificial sweeteners (they can irritate the vaginal walls). You can see some of the flavour options here:

http://lionessforlovers.com/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=4&products_id=20

I suggest you allow yourself time to really re-connect with your sensual side with real quality time for you to self-pleasure and get to know the caresses and touches your body really wants. A long, hot bath while you caress yourself and really take the time to appreciate all of your curves and dimples and wisdom marks and scars all over your body can be very empowering. They ALL come together to create the amazing, feminine power that is you!

Try this after the bath. Look in the mirror at your naked beautiful self and really be gentle and loving. Look deep into your eyes and seek out your heart and soul and find the wisdom that is there inside of you right now. Ask your higher self to offer you some words of advice to really help you get through this next phase of your journey. Ask it what you need to do next to more easily embrace your sacred sexuality. Allow yourself the time and space to be open to the answers – whatever the answers are, know that they are absolutely right for you right now.

I have an audio program called the Sacred Sexy Circle. The CD is currently included in my new G-Spot PlayGuide which is 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven and you don’t even need a partner. It was created for a woman like you who wants to find that deeper connection to her inner sensual and sexual self so she can experience all of the sexual satisfaction and intimacy that she not only secretly craves but deserves. The link is here: http://www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/g-spot-promo.htm

I’m not trying to sell these to you but merely let you know they are there as inexpensive tools to help you on your path to feel more confident so that you can have the love life you want.

If you sign up on the home page at www.lionessforlovers.com you can get a free e-book on how to be sexier and more confident. Perhaps try that first and see if any of those tips offer you any inspiration. I am also available for coaching one-on-one, but you may want to explore these other options first. I suspect you may surprise yourself. You are taking lovely steps already by a) listening to the call and b) writing to me. You’re inspiring to me! Keep on your path – it will be so incredibly worth it. Good luck to you!

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC, ECPC
Sex Educator, Speaker, Intimacy Coach

Author of “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Pick up your Free Report on Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confidant Woman www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/sign-up-for-sexy-ezine.htm

Be careful of pelvic surgery!

I received a question recently from a woman who had lots of fibroids and was contemplating surgery to remove her uterus. She had also met the best lover of her life and didn’t want her awesome orgasms to change after surgery. She brought up that In the book Women’s Bodies Women’s Wisdom by Christiane Northrup she says: “Even if the ovaries are left intact some woman experience orgasm differently after hysterectomy probably because the cervix and the uterus act as a trigger point for orgasm. These women feel the deep rhythmic contractions of the uterus as a very satisfying part of orgasm. Once the uterus is gone they sometimes experience the loss as a change, an actual decrease in orgasmic depth.”

After congratulating her on attracting such a wonderful lover into her life, I responded as follows:

I do hear regularly from women whose sexual response and whose orgasms change after any pelvic surgery. It really is a tricky thing. The occasional woman indicates things get even better! You may find that your sex-life in general improves after the fibroids are gone if they cause you great discomfort now. I caution women against surgery unless it is absolutely required and always recommend a second opinion.

Now that all said, the surgeon has a great deal to do with how your sexual sensation is after surgery as does your state of mind. There are two different nerve pathways in the pelvic floor that bring sexual pleasure to a woman. Please check with your surgeon about his/her familiarity with these nerves and get reassurance that they won’t be affected. The clitoral nerve pathways have only been mapped within the last decade so not all surgeons know what not to snip at!

I’m not a doctor and certainly suggest further research into exactly what the surgeon will do (or not do) to ensure you remain as intact sexually as possible. Some women have found clitoral sensation greatly reduced after surgery so please be proactive. As for what Dr. Northrup says, she is fabulous and I believe what she says. Remember though, she says ’some women’ so it isn’t a matter of fact that all women will experience that. Good luck with your new lover,and remember that it is your body and you have a right to ask whatever you want about how it is treated.

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC, ECPC
Sex Educator, Speaker, Intimacy Coach

Author of “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Pick up your Free Report on Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confidant Woman www.lionessforlovers.com/pages/sign-up-for-sexy-ezine.htm

Use It Or Lose It

You’ve heard the saying “Use It or Lose It“.  A recent study in Finland shows that for men between the ages of 55 and 75 this could very well be true.

Researchers monitored nearly 1,000 men for a
period of five years to gain data. Their findings: men that reported having sex at least once a week were less likely to suffer from erectile concerns than those that enjoyed sexual
stimulation less frequently.

Hmmmm and they say things wane with age. Sounds to me like as long as it feels good, age doesn’t matter. Men – go forth and copulate!

Painkillers killing your sex life?

I read an article linking sexual dysfunction to opioid painkillers. Other symptoms resulting from these painkillers include fatigue, weight gain and depression which can also contribute to a lousy sex-life. The study in “Pain Treatment Topics” shows that patients who take these types of painkillers for longer than a month for chronic pain can create a hormonal disturbance that leads to sexual dysfunction.

These symptoms are treatable but please be aware that any medication you take may impact your sex-life!

Birth Control Shot

In honour of International Women’s Day, I’m posting an article from my friend and colleague, Lisa Leger, a Fertility Specialist here on Vancouver Island, Canada. If you have any questions about birth control, please contact me and I’ll put you in touch with her. Enjoy!

PARKSVILLE — “I’ve seen the needle and the damage done.”

When local women’s health educator, Lisa Leger, hears that classic old Neil Young lyric she thinks of the depo provera shot.

The birth control needle is offered to women as a contraceptive option, but it can have damaging consequences. Leger has seen the damage done to women by the use of synthetic hormones in her almost 20 years counselling women on fertility awareness.

“I see women who have side effects from birth control pills or the shot immediately,” she said. “Those are the canaries in the coal mine. Their bodies tell them right away that tinkering with their normal fertility cycles and suppressing ovulation is a bad idea.”

The long term safety of hormone use is debated constantly. Research is emerging to suggest that hormonal contraceptive use can increase the risks of osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease, breast cancer and other chronic conditions that emerge later in life.

Leger’s concern about how hormonal products are sold to women as a benign lifestyle choice without adequate information about risks and side effects has motivated her to teach fertility awareness methods.

It has also prompted her to host a film screening and discussion about menstrual suppression products. The documentary is an official selection of the National Women’s Studies Association that examines the use of hormonal birth control for menstrual suppression. The film is titled Period: The End of Menstruation?

Documentary film-maker, Giovanna Chesler (www.g6pictures.com), who teaches media and communication at the University of California in San Diego interviewed every perspective for this film; from drug company marketing reps to goddess-worshipping menstrual celebrants and everyone in between.

The film includes the stories of patients who either liked or disliked suppressing their menstrual cycles with hormonal products. Leger expects the film screening and discussion will give participants the opportunity to air their opinions.

The free event is March 8 at 3 p.m. in the meeting room at Parksville Pharmasave. Call 951-0243 to register or drop in. For more details, go to www.internationalwomensday.com.

Great Sex is in Your Head!

A survey by Canadian women’s magazine Chatelaine noted some interesting stats about the 4,000 Canadian women studied.

Half admit that body image affects their enjoyment of sex and the better they feel about how they look, the better sex is. This supports my belief that it isn’t always just about toys, technique and tactics but about what is going on inside of you (mostly the little voice inside your head) that makes the difference between sex and true intimacy.

They also mentioned that 22% of women never masturbate! That seems a darn shame if you ask me. Self-love is the absolute best path to having extra-ordinary sex. Not unlike the saying “you need to love yourself before you can truly love another”, I say it also applies to self-cultivation (Dr. Christiane Northrup’s word for masturbation) to truly know what you really want so you can then *allow* another to please you.