What is Sex & Intimacy Coaching and what can it do for YOU?

Let’s face it – unsatisfying sex sucks! As a Sex & Intimacy Coach, I can turn your sex life around and help you have a juicy intimate, loving marriage that lasts. Coaching offers a completely confidential way for you to experience great sex, improve your relationship AND have a more fulfilling life.

Do you want a better and more exciting sex life?

Do you want real concrete ways to add passion back into your love life?

Do you want to have satisfying sex like you’ve never had before?

Studies show that up to 50% of us are dissatisfied, unfulfilled, and
frustrated in the bedroom. You may be:

- in a new relationship and want the sex to be as great as possible
- single and not wanting to repeat past sexual blunders
- in a long term relationship and in a sexual rut
- desperate for change in the bedroom!

If you want ideas, tools, and a plan to get the gratifying and exciting sex life you truly desire, then sex coaching is your solution.

What it isn’t

First I should explain that I am NOT on the edge of your bed with a whistle saying

“Go right, a little to the left, add more lube!”

And while our work together is primarily by phone, I won’t be on the phone listening through the speaker while you make love and offering support, tips or advice. And lastly, I don’t watch videos of your sex life to offer kudos or suggestions for improvement.

We Begin – where are you at right now?

So now that we have that out of the way (smile), what exactly do I do? Well, we start by chatting on the phone about what is happening for/with/to you in your sex life. This may be things such as:

• We’re in a sexual rut and need to spice things up
• My husband/boyfriend doesn’t know how to please me
• He wants sex more/less than I do
• He wants oral sex and I don’t want to (or am unsure how to) do it
• He can’t get it up and that frustrates us both
• I’ve lost my interest in sex and want to get my sex drive back
• I have some things ‘blocking’ me from receiving pleasure
• I can’t reach orgasm (ever, with my partner, only when alone, only during oral sex, etc.)
• My mind wanders and I don’t know how to stay focused in bed
• I’m not sexually confident
• My husband (or I) had an affair and it’s wrecking our sex life

This is just a partial list of the concerns my clients come to me for help with.

Then – what do you want?

Then we look at what it is that you would rather have AND if it is reasonable for you. “A new lover who knows how to please me without me even telling him” is not realistic! However, “I want to feel more uninhibited and confident in bed and easily ask for what I want” is totally doable!

Some comments and thoughts my clients have shared with me about their results from coaching:

• “We now have an exciting sex life!”
• “I now look forward to sex”
• “We talk about sex now and I feel so much more open and relaxed about it”
• “I’ve even initiated lovemaking for the first time ever”
• “I can now more easily let my lover know what I want without embarrassment”
• “We are much more in tune with each other’s sex drive”
• “We are both okay now with me not performing oral sex”
• “I now perform oral sex and am even starting to enjoy it!”
• “ I feel more confident when I go out to meet men (and don’t have to sleep with them to feel sexy)”
• “I can now be totally present in bed and if my mind wanders, I can easily bring it back – it’s fantastic how easy it is now!”
• “I think about sex much more often and my hubby loves the benefits!”
• “I have more orgasms”
• “I’m free to have so much more fun now that I don’t have to have an orgasm when we make love (ever or anytime)”

Next – the Plan

Next we create a plan specifically tailored for you in your situation to help you achieve all of your wants and desires for your love life! In each coaching session you will hang up the phone with concrete action steps designed by you (with my support) to help you on your path towards mind blowing sex with a man you love!

How I support you

I am there for you to help you stay on track not only during our sessions, but with the overall plan and I’ll even help you via email in between sessions if you need it. I offer support and help you be accountable for what you say you want and are willing to do to change things.

I don’t do the work for you. If you are the sort of person who is looking for someone to blame (my parents had such a lousy relationship – no wonder mine is horrible), then coaching is not for you. If you want someone to tell you what to do, then coaching is not for you. I am NOT the expert on your sex life – YOU are! I am there as a trained guide to support you, ask you the right questions, keep you accountable (did you write that letter to your lover that you said you would?) and honour you so you find the exact and perfect answer for you in your situation and for your life.

If you believe that your sex life should be like ‘they’ say it should be (magazines, movies, friends, relatives, media) then coaching is not right for you. I will help you discover your own Sexual Truth so that you can have the intimate relationship that fits perfectly for you.

How long do I need coaching?

How long does all of this take? It depends on you, your situation and how long the concern has been in your life.

Often it only takes a few sessions to get you back on track and on your way to communicating with your partner again. Often my clients will start with a 3 session package and then convert it to a monthly program once they see the immediate results and they discover there are other areas they want to look at in their relationship. If it is something that has bothered you for twenty years, it may take more than 3 or 4 sessions to move you to a place where it only occasionally pops up; perhaps a bit longer to be completely free of it – and you can be!

Other times people simply come back for ‘tune-ups’ of a session or two every so often throughout the year to keep things moving in the direction they want.

It really is up to you and what you want for yourself and your relationship. 

Bonus – Fun Sex Ed.

As a sex expert I am often called on to lead workshops, speak to groups or to offer private instruction on how to perform specific sexual acts (such as oral sex, masturbation or finding the g-spot), how to craft lovemaking so it is easier or more comfortable (due to medical concerns) or other specific sexual skills. You may want to add this as a bonus to your coaching package or simply sign up for a fun sex ed. class offered online or live or have a private session for yourself. Women often feel that private sessions help them to be more comfortable and the one on one attention helps them accomplish their goals quite quickly!

Either way, you can find solutions for your sexual concerns so you can be better in bed, do better in your relationship, and have a much more exciting life!

I mean really – what is your happiness and satisfaction worth to you?

Please call for more information at 250-753-8692 or email kim@kimswitnicki.com and we’ll see what options are best for you.

My recipe for starting off the sexy new you with a bang!

Here’s a sexy shake that you can make for your man so that he’ll taste yummier for oral sex:

Blend the following with a scoop of natural vanilla ice cream

2 tsp honey
1 cup milk
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1 raw egg

If your man drinks this 1 hour before lovemaking, his ejaculate will taste sweeter!

Compliments of Harley Swiftdeer, Native American Shaman.

 I say you get bonus points if:
- you make him this sexy shake
- feed it to him
- and spend the next hour massaging each other!

Pineapple is also a fabulous fruit to sweeten your man up. Celery, kiwi, and strawberries work well too. The health benefits of fresh fruit and veggies are a bonus. 

Another romantic addition to your sexy shake evening could be candlelight. It truly is the most flattering light for love. It sets the mood, hides all manner of “less than perfect” areas of your body, and for some reason it offers a safer space for people to really look deeply into their partner’s eyes. So add some more romance to your evenings and break out the candles – they aren’t just for power outages!

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

Natural Lubricant Q & A

Question:

What would you recommend for a personal lubricant that is all natural, but has staying power and a neutral taste? Coconut oil worked great, but I was allergic.  What about almond oil, cocoa butter or shea butter? Island Natural has “Sylk” but I hear it does not last long and it is $$. 

Thanks

Answer:

Thanks very much for your inquiry. If you want an unflavoured lubricant recommend the O’My natural lubricant. You can find it at my online store.

This natural lubricant lasts and has no flavour to speak of. It very closely mimics a woman’s natural lubrication. Coconut oil, if it is virgin, is the only oil I would ever suggest using vaginally. Other oils or butters can create breeding grounds for bacteria and are not advisable. You should only use a water soluble product vaginally and no sugars. If you want to play with natural flavours, my Forplay Succulents line is naturally flavoured and has no sugar or chemicals that shouldn’t be in the vagina. It is great for oral play as well as intercourse and tastes great!

 Let me know how it works out.

 Passionately,

 Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

Mysteries of Oral Sex

Books in a southern California school district were pulled out of classrooms because some of the content was deemed inappropriate for the 9 and 10 year old children. The offending books are the 10^th edition of Miriam Webster Dictionaries. It is still uncertain whether this ban will be permanent; school administrators are currently combing through the books looking for more age inappropriate content. It was a parent that brought the complaint forward, and there has been debate whether banning the dictionaries is the correct move. The offending entry was the definition of oral sex, which is described as “oral stimulation of the genitals”.

Is it really inappropriate for children aged 9 and 10 to learn about sex? Or is it just very hard for some parents to talk to their kids about sex, so much so that they would prefer to remove all credible sources of information about it from their child’s world, hoping to preserve innocence, but only breeding confusion and shame instead? What are your thoughts?

For More Information on sex education for children and how to talk to your kids about sex check out some of my previous blog posts:

Sex Ed. Works

How to talk to your kids about sex and sexuality

Healthy sexual choices made by teenage girls

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

Help, My Vibrator Makes Me Giggle

Question:

I am 51 years old and never used a vibrator before.  My boyfriend suggested one so I thought sure why not.  We also bought some KY intense and used it with the vibrator. My question is that though it feels amazing I laugh or rather giggle.  Is this normal, natural? Please answer.  This isn’t something I can ask just anyone!

Thanks.

Answer:

Thanks so much for your inquiry. Good for you for taking a chance and trying something new! The first part of my answer is yes, it absolutely is normal. When we try something new, there are lots of emotions around it. Especially since you may have been a bit nervous or curious or cautious or any of another dozen or so emotions, none of which is overly arousing :-) Not that you weren’t turned on as well, but the arousal part may not have been the strongest emotion that you felt at the time. Some women also find vibrators tickle them or they don’t even like the sensation. It really varies woman to woman and mood to mood. Sometimes it may drive you wild with delight and others you just may not be in the mood for it.

If this is something you want to continue using during lovemaking, I recommend you try using it by yourself some time to get more used to the feeling and see if it is something you can or even want to let turn you on more. It really is a personal choice where you go from here. If I can be of further help, as a Coach I can offer suggestions for using it or to help you through any concerns you have with the vibrator or even to help you explain to your man that you don’t want to use it anymore.  

In the meantime, here is some more information on how to get used to a vibrator:    

 Above all else, enjoy yourself!

PS: I’m not a fan of the KY combo massage and lubricant products. You should NEVER have massage oils inside the vagina since it messes with your natural Ph level and it can create a breeding ground for bacteria leading to infections. A natural, water soluble lubricant is best! This one is my favourites.   

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

www.KimSwitnicki.com

Breasts for Understanding

It was recently reported in Maclean’s Magazine that German scientists have developed an “empathy” nasal spray that will make men more understanding of women.  The main ingredient in this spray is the hormone oxytocin.  This hormone is best known for its role in women’s reproduction and is often referred to as the bonding hormone.  It is released in women during breast feeding and post-orgasm.  The release of this hormone creates a feeling of empathy for those in close proximity when it is released.

While I fully embrace the hope that men would be more empathetic, I am skeptical that this nasal spray would do the trick.  As with pheromones, one would have to bottle a very high quantity of oxytocin in order for it to be effective, which would make this product very expensive.  The man taking this would also need to be in close proximity to the appropriate person (ie. His wife) for it to increase his empathy for her, instead of say the newspaper delivery person, the bus driver, or the clerk at the grocery store.  I like what the German scientists are trying to accomplish, but perhaps it would be easier for men to feel more empathy towards the women in their lives if they just listened to their partners more.  Alternatively, since breast stimulation also releases oxytocin, it may be easier to simply encourage men to play more with our breasts!  Here’s some tips on breast play that might help.

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

Female Sex Drugs and 5 Tips for Sexual Happiness

I was recently an expert guest on Breakfast Television Vancouver to discuss the latest sex drug for women, Flibanserin, which was rejected by the FDA last month. This drug is not approved for use in Canada, and it is my understanding that it is not under consideration at this time. 

If you are concerned about your sexual desire and feel you have a diminished libido, you need to check out my interview on Breakfast Television Vancouver.

For natural solutions to boost your sex drive watch my 5 Tips for Sexual Happiness.

It is important that women recognize that the desire they have may be perfectly natural or normal for them in their specific situation. We tend to buy into media-generated myths (can you think of a few?) , which set us up to feel inadequate – but there is no “proper” or “right” amount of sex drive. This is a really critical point to remember, if nothing else! There are many factors affecting your libido, which is the urge, desire or drive to be intimate: things such as stress about kids, career, money, moving, health or simply being too tired, other health issues, medications, relationship challenges, and many more factors can all contribute to a lower than (your) usual desire for sex. See the video link above to find out more.

How much do you know about your wants, likes, dislikes and desires about sex? How many of you feel comfortable with the things, ideas, or situations that really stoke your desire? We are often filled with fear, shame or embarassment which we have inherited over generations. I can help you release all of that negativity so you can fully accept and embrace your true sexuality. Most women have not had the opportunity to learn about their sexuality. Unfortunately, our moms, sisters, aunts and teachers just don’t explain to us how sexual pleasure works! As a result we are unable to fully experience our deepest sexual nature. This is why I created my online program for married women. This program, called Unlock Your Sexual Code, helps women uncover their own secret combination of factors unique to them allowing them to  unlock their own passions, systematically and permanently end their insecurity and shame, and fully commit themselves to learning how to have powerful and authentic sexual experiences THEIR WAY FIRST, before sharing them with their husbands. For more information on this program, and to attend a free preview call for a taste of what you can have and start closing the gap in your bed, please go here to sign up for the free call. 

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

www.kimswitnicki.com

How women can boost their sex drive naturally!

Here are 4 quickie ways to increase your sex drive and have loads of fun while doing it. Let me know which ones you like – wink wink.

Write an erotic story

If you aren’t feeling sexy in your own skin, you may be concentrating too much on your body and any body image issues you may have. A good way to get past this is to stimulate your mind. The brain is the largest sex organ for women!! Writing an erotic story can stimulate you to think sexually which can then lead to feeling sexy; the mind leads the body. Writing an erotic story starring ‘you’ will energize erotic creativity, which will likely make you feel much more sexy and lustful.

Wear nothing but high heels

High heels are not just for the office, and in fact can have a stimulating effect when used to eroticize your body for your lover.  Kissing your lover wearing high heels (in the house!), and very little or very revealing clothing, will heighten feelings of lust and sensuality, and of course your partner will love it. Your legs and butt will look great, you’ll feel more sensual, a bit daring and you’ll be taller which adds confidence. Wearing high heels is a small change that can have a dramatic impact on how you feel about yourself and how your lover looks at you.

Blindfold your lover

Using a blindfold on your lover is a great way to break down inhibitions. If your lover can’t see you, you can feel bolder and braver, and more comfortable trying out new sexual positions and/or whispering sweet naughty words. You will feel more secure and in control, while your partner’s other senses will be heightened, allowing for great new sensual sensations and experiences for both of you.

Bath and body love

Taking time to treasure and pamper your body will encourage positive feelings about yourself and about your body. Feeling good in your body will allow you to be more aware of your sexual energy flow. When you are connected with your sexual energy, feelings of lust, sexiness, and confidence are easily accessible.  Stealing some time to take a sensual bath with all the trimmings, candles, bubbles, music, tasty drink (use all the senses to make it sense-ual), is an invaluable way to de-stress and clear the mind. After your bath, look in the mirror and focus on 3 body parts that you have been ignoring and that need some love, care and support. Embrace, caress, and admire these parts with warm feelings allowing loving energy to flow into them. If you do this 3 times in a week, you will feel tremendous in your body by the weekend!

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

www.kimswitnicki.com

South Africa’s World Cup and Sexual Crisis

The following was written by my assistant, Lindsey Lewthwaite, after I had asked her to do some research for me about a unique, new female condom. She threw herself into the task and created this piece and I’m proud to share it with you.

As the World Cup ends, I am amazed at how this sporting event has brought people together from all over the globe to watch, marvel at, and celebrate our greatest athletes. South Africa took center stage as the host of this event, and while we can all thank them for putting on this show, we shouldn’t turn our gaze away just yet. With any big government expenditure, such as those of South Africa’s for the World Cup, there are those who believe the money could be better spent elsewhere. I live in British Columbia Canada, and during the years leading up to the 2010 Winter Olympic Games there was controversy over spending dollars on the games instead of on issues such as homelessness. Likewise, the South African government has been criticized for spending so much on stadiums for the World Cup while some feel they haven’t spent nearly enough combating HIV/AIDS.

 In the months prior to the World Cup, the South African government was asking the world for 1 billion condoms in order to prepare for the influx of tourists and of prostitutes that huge sporting events draw. South Africa is suffering from an HIV/AIDS epidemic; they have the highest HIV caseload in the world. There are 5.7 million South Africans living with HIV (that’s about 1 in 5 adults or 18% of the population). Every day there are 1,400 new infections and almost 1,000 deaths from AIDS. The number of cases is “disproportionately concentrated among women and girls”. Sexual violence is rampant, and there is a lack of female control and agency over their own bodies due to the extreme poverty and the cultural histories of violence and patriarchy.  The women of South Africa do not enjoy the sexual empowerment and right of equality that most western women enjoy.

HIV treatment, especially for pregnant women and children (28% of babies born are exposed to the virus by their mothers), is a huge political issue in South Africa. The request for 1 billion condoms is believed to be as much a part of a new South African HIV prevention drive, as it is to protect tourists. The government committed to increase the number of hospitals and clinics that dispense AIDS medicine for free, and has trained hundreds of nurses to prescribe the drugs. While the government has increased treatment for victims, they have been lagging in the necessary education and prevention.

Management of this issue has been problematic with critics accusing the “South African leadership of undermining the fight with denialism and hypocrisy”. During the rape trial of South African President, and former head of the National AIDS Council, Jacob Zuma admitted that he didn’t use a condom, even though he knew the woman was HIV positive, but that he took a shower afterward to “cut the risk of contracting HIV”.  More education is obviously necessary. 

Rates of sexual assault in South Africa are among the highest in the world, and children are most at risk (40% of reported cases are committed against children). Rape is especially dangerous for women and children because the internal tears suffered in such an attack make the victim more susceptible to contracting the virus from an infected attacker.

The female condom gives power to the women. It is “the only woman initiated tool that has been proven to be effective in the prevention of HIV, STIDs, and unplanned pregnancy”.  It is promoted by groups in South Africa, but is very hard for women to access; availability is minimal. The South African National Strategic Plan (2007-2011) contained provisions for the purchase of 425 million male condoms, and for only 3 million female condoms. In June, the Female Health Company announced that it had fulfilled an order for 3.5 million female condoms for the World Cup. Great Britain sent South Africa 42 million condoms, but I don’t know if these were male or female.

With women being much more commonly the victims of HIV/AIDS, and with the political and cultural leadership of men like Zuma, I find it disappointing that female condoms are not as readily available as male condoms. 

In response to the sexual violence against women, a South African woman has invented a new kind of female condom, and planned to distribute 30,000 during the World Cup. This condom, called the Rape-aXe, offers barbed protection against rape. When a woman wearing this condom is penetrated, sharp barbs hook into the penis. These barbs need to be surgically removed, which will identify the man as a rapist to medical professionals. You can imagine the appeal of this type of defense.  The inventor said that she was inspired by a rape victim who said to her “If only I had teeth down there”.

The spotlight of the world was shining on South Africa, and we should take this opportunity to reflect on the sexual realities of South Africans. Perhaps the World Cup will be a platform for the global community to come together, not just on the soccer pitch, but to help South Africa recover from this epidemic. FIFA believes that “there will be an increased effort to fight against AIDS and HIV in South Africa both medically and socially after the World Cup”. With all the millions of dollars that have been put into this event, and all the millions that are being made, I can only hope that somehow some way, through this global event, help will be supplied to the women and children of South Africa. As they have been saying on TV, “The world came to know South Africa, and we are all better for it”, likewise I hope that the women and children of South Africa will somehow be better for it as well.

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

www.kimswitnicki.com

Top Ten Sexy Breast Moves

To be a Sexually Empowered woman, it is important for you to love your breasts. No matter their shape, size or colour, enjoy them and treat them as a precious part of your feminine, sensual self. The more you embrace their sexy little curves, the more your man is likely to as well! We’re taught when very young to hide our breasts and society shuns the public appearance of nipples in advertising and even in art and yet men are always seeking to spot them. This can be very confusing for young women and this confusion can carry into adulthood.  To help you love your breasts as much as your partner does, take the time after a bath or shower to caress, powder or lotion them. Feel them regularly (and not just for breast self exams)  and show them that you really care.

The way you view your breasts and expose, hide or handle them yourself will affect how your partner sees them. While he may not necessarily be a ‘breast’ man, he may be greatly turned on when he watches you caress, squeeze or rub them after bathing or while you make love together.

Not all women enjoy the same sensitivity of nipples or breast tissue. Some gals are simply orgasmic with breast stimulation. Others enjoy kisses or suckling and still others enjoy a rougher pinching or tweaking. This can change throughout the month and also throughout your lifetime, as well as be impacted by your various partners and your relationships with them.

Be aware of your time of the month and the changes this causes in breast sensitivity and tenderness. You may want to gently let your lover know that they are extra tender but you especially love his gentle kisses (if in fact you do).

If he loves to play rough with your breasts and you don’t care for that, instead of cutting off all breast play, try asking for gentle kisses and caresses. The more turned on you become through foreplay, the more sensation you can handle. So as you get more turned on, you may start to enjoy some rougher play. Start off slow and gentle and see what heights of passion you can both reach.

Here are my Top Ten Sexy Breast Tips

 

1. Use your cleavage to tease him while out on a date and pinch your nipples on occasion if you have to (on the sly of course) to let him know your little erect nipples are a promise of erections to come.
2. Breast play can release oxytocin (bonding hormone also released during breast feeding) so do include breast play of some sort during lovemaking even if it is only your hands caressing them and rubbing them up against him.
3. Rub your lovely breasts against him whenever you can while engaged in intercourse to add an extra oxytocin boost as well as reminding him you are a voluptuous woman.
4. Grab his hands and with yours over top, indicate how hard or soft you want his caresses. Teach him by showing him what you like. He can’t be expected to know!
5.  Invite him to play the ‘mirror game’ where you sit facing each other while nude and place a hand on each other’s chest. He has to mirror everything you do to him. Show him how you like to be teased and tantalized without touching your nipple so it drives you wild and you can’t stand it anymore. Experiment with pinches, little nibbles and light scratches to gauge both of your reactions. Have fun! If you do this while gazing into each other’s eyes, you will create a seductive memory not soon forgotten.
6.  Invite him to melt an ice cube over your whole body and be sure to include your nipples. Be sure to let him know by your moans and groans what areas drive you wild with delight or chill you out.
7.  When in a sex position that facilitates this, whisper into his ear how much you love it when he (licks, sucks, pinches, squeezes, kisses, etc.) your nipples or your breasts. Your directness will inspire him while your instructions will have him eagerly wanting more. He really wants to please you and loves it when you tell him what you love!
8.  When you’re on top, play with your breasts while looking him in the eye. If you can, reach down with your tongue or mouth and kiss, suckle or lick each of your breasts while gracefully cupping one in your hand, you’ll have him eating out of your hand in no time. For those even braver, slip a finger down to gather some of your own love juices and rub them on your breast before licking. He’ll be swooning.
9.  Again while on top, take a scarf and blindfold him, take each of his hands and bring them up above his head so he is your ‘hostage’. Slide yourself up so you can dip down and slip a breast into his mouth while you use a forceful voice telling him what you want him to do. If you can manage it, slide a hand back and massage his penis while he pleasures your breast. If you can’t reach, alternate his and your pleasure. With him blindfolded he won’t know what to expect. Can you imagine the moaning that will ensue? 
10.  No conversation about breasts and sex is complete without the mention of using your breasts as a means to manually pleasure your man. The pure sight of his erection between your oiled breasts while you squeeze them together to give him a firm place to thrust, may send him over the edge. If you add some lustful gazes at his penis while you lick your lips or give him quick tongue flicks as he moves back and forth, he will remain your devoted lover.

Try any of these and let me know how much you love your breasts now!

Passionately,

Kim Switnicki, ACC

Sex Educator for Women, Sex & Intimacy Coach

www.kimswitnicki.com